youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
