he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
