All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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