Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
