; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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