Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I need to calm my uterus...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
