youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
