im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
