Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize