Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
