I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
