New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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