i think my tv is drunk
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
