You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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