Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
