It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
