My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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