Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
