Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
