Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
