i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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