I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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