And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
