We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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