Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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