Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
