moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
