just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
