anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
