thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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