Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
