The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize