Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
