I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
