i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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