Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
