I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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