So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
