guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
