the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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