Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
