My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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