I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
should my penis look like a turkey
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
40s are totally the cure
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
