i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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