Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
