I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
