You can't motorboat a personality
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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