Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize