i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
