I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
