My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
