just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
