i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
