just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need to calm my uterus...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
