1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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