Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
