Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
