we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The ass gains better be worth it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize