he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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