He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
