Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
