Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
