um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
