Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
