Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
