For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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