bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
