i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
