If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
