nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
