There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Boobs speak an international language.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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