the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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