He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
of course. lets lasso hookers.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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