five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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