I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
