You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize