I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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