Taylor Swift is so right about you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
