In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
