i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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