I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
