Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
