I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
