just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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