I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
