She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
