my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
