Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
