she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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