hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
