I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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