i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
