half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
