would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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