Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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