Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
