sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize